I love you, why would you do this?
I fucking hate it when the girl you love that was so special breaks up with you. There is nothing I can do. I hate now. I hate now so much. I broke up with the other one for you. I stayed up all night for you. I spent all my money on you. I thought about you all day. I went to sleep thinking about you. And you eded it. But I still love you. You made me cry for the first time in a long time. I hate this. I want you back so much but I know it wont happen. We both do and it kills me. I love you Karly. Why did you do this?
Why do I always feel like a depressed git? Because I didn’t get invited to some party, and they did? Who the fuck cares? I have family, and other friends (I think), and I am not in a destructive relationship anymore, and Karly and I seem to be going pretty well, and school’s starting soon, and in a few years I’ll be leaving this town, so why does it matter? It doesn’t. I need to stop being so self conscious and go with whatever’s happening. If I have no friends, than so be it. It must mean I’m an insufferable shithead. But I know I have a few friends at least, so I’m fine. I’m just rambling. Well, I still feel bad and deserted, and it is probably because Lexi and I split up for good, and I haven’t seen friends for a while, and probably because she (Karly) is at the party with a bunch of people I thought I was good friends with, but apparently I’m not. Whatever. I’ll get over it.
Just found out that on paper, my tumblr is about 187 pages long.
Got back together with Lexi, did some regrettable things in the heat of the moment, realizing how much of a stupid idea it was, Karly’s involved, don’t know what to do. I want to throw up, and I’m a horrible person. I know I am. Why do I do these things? Why DID I do this? Why am I such an idiot?
Message to Katie
Because I’ve never told anyone I loved them except for her. And its weird to hear it from you and I don’t know what I’m doing so here goes nothing here is everything that has happened:
I was dating Lexi and she got all jealous and bitchy when I went to globals. This made me angry and contemplate breaking up with her. I latched on to you as like an “away from home” girlfriend. I got to know you and you were swell. I started to like you. I noticed the cuts so I asked you about them on the way back from globals. That got us into large discussions and then lead to our thousands of messages back to each other. I really started to like you. A lot. Then we went on the new york trip. And I cuddled with you and Karly and Here is where I become a huge womanizer and dickhole. I started to like Karly too. Three girls I had real feelings for. You were all so different. Summer comes along and you and I lost touch. Stuff with Lexi (fighting and such) got worse. Karly started to text me more and more. Lexi was getting suspicious, which looking back is totally normal. Because Karly and I liked each other and had told each other. Lexi knew none of this, and was still being horrible and clingy and rude and I couldn’t do it. I decided to end it. The breakup had nothing to do with another girl. It was for the fact that our relationship was not the same, I couldn’t make it work, and we both knew it. We decided to both be friends. Karly knew, and thought she did it. You knew, and thought you did it. Neither of you influenced that. Now I come back to your new message, and I didn’t know what to say, so I said the truth. So there it is. The whole story, and I hope it doesn’t hurt anyone. BTW, Karly doesn’t know you know we like each other. She figured out you liked me, and IDK if she knows I like you. Feelings for Lexi that I have are purely from just remembering old times, and how it used to be. We aren’t getting back together, there isn’t a chance.
It’ll be ok
Long sotry short, Sofia set things straight. If I got back with her, it’d be good for a short while, and then go back to the way it was plus a weird tension from me breaking up with her. It’s going to be ok. Wounds heal. This will too. And I have a week at the beach to have fun with.
I’m an idiot. But this was ok.
I was fine till now. I’m bawlling my eyes out. why did i do it? I miss her. I miss her. I miss early her. when we were innocent. When nothing matter. I still love her. why did I do this? WHY! I’m a blubbering idiot. I can’t talk, my whole face is all contorted and I miss her. Why did I do this. im an idiot. But I can’t go back. I can’t be weak. I have to pretend like everythings ok. She’s not the most important thing in the world. But I know when I see her I’m going to break down. This is going to suck. I hate me.
Update on the dating thing.
Well, I’m probably breaking up with her soon. She has been, to put it lightly, bitchy and rude to me for a long time, after me addressing the issue many times. She Just isn’t working out anymore. Also, there’s other people. Katie has a thing for me, and I did, but not too much anymore. Plus, Karly and I both know that we like each other. And most importantly, she makes me laugh. That’s all I want. And Lexi doesn’t do that for me anymore.
She hasn’t in a while.
So that time has come. I feel like that kind of ends a huge potion of this blog thing. That is what it dealt with for the majority of the posts. But, on to bigger and brighter futures. So we shall see what happens.
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.